it's super early in the morning and I cant sleep.
what happened to me? When did I become so full of hate? When did I lose all my patience and just not want to be around anyone?
Everyday I just want to crawl into a ball away from everyone and just... i don't know.
Somedays I think seriously about going home. It would be so easy and everyone's life here would be better. I have at least 3 places that I could go to. My parents would gladly take me back, (seeing as how everytime i speak to them they mention it a gazillion times). I don't think I will ever be happy anywhere. But all i do here is fight and feel like a piece of shit every fucking day. Then they bitch at me because I'm ungratefull and ruin everything. But do you know what? I have never, ever, not cared about a single thing in this world. Not till now. What do I do? Everyday I die more and more. I breath in poison not even caring I'm slowly killing myself. I walk at night hoping somone will jump out and kill me.
Everytime another lie of hers is exposed to me, I lose another piece of myself.
Nobody has ever hurt me as much as she has. What's that saying? Something about the only one who can hurt you is the one you love. Well... it's true. Very true.
And I know... that she will end up reading this. There's so much I wish I could say to her that I should have said while it was still fresh instead of supressing it for her sake. Because what I have to say would make her cry. But maybe I should have said it.... because instead of her crying, it's been me.
I've tried so hard to get over this. But usually, I have at least on friend to talk to and get advice from. I haven't had my friends, or made new ones here. All my friends are either in Florida, or online. I haven't really had either.
The only friend I've made is Armando at Circle K who kinda is just... a guy. (I mean this in the nicest terms, but most strictly hetero males i've met aren't big on girl talk that leads to tears, Ben and Jerrys, or possibly even cookies).
6:10 a.m. - 2006-07-12
Recent entries:
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%%older_entries%%~So Tight, yet I feel so Nice...~ - 2007-04-01
%%older_entries%%~*~Itaiano~*~ - 2007-03-29
%%older_entries%%A Year Goes By... and I Can't Talk About It... - 2007-03-13
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%%older_entries%%
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