I woke up in so much pain. It felt like somebody was stabing my stomach repeatedly with red hot knives all over. I just lay in bed for like an hour flat on my back because if I moved it hurt worse. I have never been in that much physical pain before in my life. I came to school anyway. I didn't want to go to Marchman, so I stayed in Sievert's and played Scrabble. Got second place. My I'm not in as much pain anymore thank god. That was unbearable. I have no clue why that happened.
I think I accidently left the phone in my room hooked up. I hooked it up last night so that if Taylor called me from Jasmine's cell then I would hear the phone and wake up. If he called, I didn't hear it. Now I have to pray that my mother doesn't find out that the phone is in my room. All hell will break loose if she does.
Today is the official last day of school : ' ( I'm gonna be sad.
For some reason I feel as if everyone wants nothing to do with me. Amanda acts different.... everyone acts different. I don't know why. I guess I never really belonged to a froup of friends. I don't fit in (and that's not just me being all loner type shit). I have friends, it's just that I'm outside of them. I'm different from them, and I'm realizing how different.
I had a dream last night that I can't remember, but I woke up at one in the morning crying in my sleep, tossing and turning, my covers all fucked up.
This morning I did try to eat to see if my body needed food,(I haven't actually eaten in two days cuz I've been sick), and I had about 3 inches of orange juice and 1 bite of a banana and my body just freaked out and was like; "What the fuck are you doing to me?" and I just threw it all up. I actually threw up blood, and I never do that. I was scared. And when I came to school, I went in the hall way and layed on my back on the dirty floor not caring and Cody sat next to me and stroked my hair. He looked like he was going to cry, I felt bad for making him sad. Yesterday he signed my yearbook and in it he wrote
8:27 a.m. - 2005-05-25
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