My mother has been a whore for like the past few days. I so can't stad that lady. She talks shit about people that she should just shut her fucking mouth and leave me the fuck alone. She needs to understand that the more she interfers in my life, the more she fucks it up. She so can't stand that I don't care about her. She has no body to blame for that but herself for that. But she needs to just shut the fuck up when she decides to get on her little "I'm a better person than everyone else" high horse and try to say things about people who she does'nt even fucking know. I feel so badly for cutting again. I had made a promise, and I keep breaking it. I don't know what the fuck is wrong with me. I'm so angry at myself for it. I'm angry at myself for a lot of things actually. I'm so sorry I did that baby.... Mr. Turner (the guidence councelor at Marchman) is trying to make me come back to Marchman next year for like another program. I really don't want to. I fucking hate Marchman. For Valentines Day I am grounded, and I don't get to see Taylor. I was so nervouse that he wouldn't like the teddy bear I got for him, (cuz i guess it's kinda a girly present). Iunno. Mom has also been a bitch to me for Jesse giving me his old computor to just like use for typeing and stuff. She... idunno.... She keeps fucking up, then expecting things to be fucking peachy. Screw her. She said something that really pissed me off the other day about Taylor, saying that she wished that I was dating someone normal. FUCK YOU LAURA!!!! She thinks she's all superior... fucking bitch. I've been tearing myself apart for like thepast few days. I can't stand it anymore. I woke up this morning and my hand has a huge red mark that I don't know where it came from. It's on my right ring finger, where I wear the ring that Taylor gave me. I think it's from punching things in my sleep. I need to grow up don't I? I act like such a child. I'm sorry everyone. I'm sorry for the thoughts that have been runing through my head.
10:07 a.m. - 2005-02-14
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